The story is about generational conflict and patriarchal order of tribal life, causing a rift between a father and his son. The theme of marriage is prevalent within the story, but the focus is on how the father refuses to accept it, ending up alone in old age.
Marriage is a Private Affair | SUMMARY
The story begins with Nnaemeka and Nene talking about marrying and Nene suggesting to Nnaemeka to write to his father about this marriage, asking for blessings. Nnaemeka replies that a letter will come as a shock to his father, and instead, he will visit him with this news. Nnaemeka adds that his father will not look kindly upon them, since Nene belongs to a different tribe, and she’s not a woman of his father’s choosing, as is the custom in Nnaemeka’s village. Nene is taken aback and asks,
“You don’t really mean that he will object to your marrying me simply on that account? I had always thought you Ibos were kindly disposed to other people.”
To which Nnaemeka replies,
“So we are. But when it comes to marriage, well, it’s not quite so simple. And this,” he added, “is not peculiar to the Ibos. If your father were alive and lived in the heart of Ibibio-land, he would be exactly like my father.”
Nnaemeka leaves and, on the way home, thinks about the letter he got from his father about the girl he is to marry, Ugoye. Nnaemeka remembers her from his childhood, a girl who used to beat up boys. Okeke, Nnaemeka’s father, outlines the different qualities of Ugoye and how she’ll make a good wife for Nnaemeka.
When Nnaemeka visits his father a few weeks later and breaks the news to him, his father remains stunned and doesn’t speak. Nnaemeka confesses he doesn’t love Ugoye, to which his father asks why that matters. Nnaemeka tries to convince his father that marriage as an institution has changed, but Okeke is not convinced. Nnaemeka explains that he loves Nene and is engaged to her, expecting his father to become angry. But his father goes quiet and refuses to acknowledge this “Satan’s work”.
Okeke stops speaking to his son, and even his fellow villagers start whispering about how there must be something wrong with Nnaemeka. Madubogwu suggested that Okeke consult a native doctor to brew medicine for Nnaemeka. But Okeke refuses to do so, since he considers this superstition.
Six months later, Nnaemeka sends his wedding photograph to Okeke, who cuts it up to remove Nene from the picture, and sends it back. Nene cries seeing the mutilated picture, but Nnaemeka assures her that his father will come around someday. But years pass, and Okeke still doesn’t accept the married couple.
Eventually, everyone comes to know about the happy couple that Nnaemeka and Nene are; all the villagers talk about them. But since Okeke’s temper flares whenever someone mentions his son, he remains oblivious to this fact about Nnaemeka. Okeke finds it incredibly hard to stone his heart towards his son, but he nonetheless perseveres.
One day, Okeke reluctantly reads Nene’s letter, from which he comes to know about his two grandsons and that they want to meet their grandfather. The letter shakes up his resolve, and Okeke feels his walls breaking down. At the same time, a rainstorm arrives, and Okeke envisions his grandsons standing outside in the rain; Okeke’s doors shut on them. The story ends with Okeke reflecting on his life, thinking whether he’ll be able to make it up to his family before dying.
Marriage is a Private Affair | ANALYSIS
The story explores several themes, such as generational conflicts resulting from a clash between tradition and progress, the patriarchal nature of certain customs, and what it means to be family. Nnaemeka and his father have a generation gap, and since Okeke’s Ideologies are rooted in the traditional foundations of the Ibo tribe, Nnaemeka and Okeke clash against each other on the topic of marriage. Okeke wishes his son to marry the woman of his choice, someone who belongs to the tribe and fulfils all the conditions of a “good wife”. Meanwhile, Nnaemeka is in love with Nene, who belongs to the Ibibio tribe, and thus, is an outrageous choice according to Okeke.
Okeke’s statements directly imply his beliefs and firmly rooted thought process. There are certain customs that are patriarchal. Especially related to the concept of marriage and how the community treats women, who are to be raised as “good wives”. When Nnaemeka tells Okeke that Nene teaches at a girls’ school in Lagos, Okeke snaps back with this:
“Teacher, did you say? If you consider that a qualification for a good wife, I should like to point out to you, Emeka, that no Christian woman should teach. St. Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, says that women should keep silence.”
Okeke refers to a Biblical passage to demonstrate his ideology that women are meant to be silent wives and nothing else. However, Nnaemeka doesn’t budge from his stance and keeps trying to convince his father of this marriage.
Nnaemeka represents the youth who follow the flow of time and society, advancing when it does. For the youth whose ideologies are moldable along with the time they live in, Okeke stands on the opposite side of this river, who is hellbent on his principles. Patriarchy and the tribal customs form a rift between this father-son relationship, so much so that even after multiple attempts at reconciliation, Okeke refuses to even acknowledge his family. This rooted discrimination against outsiders and such strict following of traditions end up isolating Okeke from the villagers, who stop mentioning his son, and from his son himself.
The act of cutting up the wedding photograph represents the metaphorical violent aspect of tradition and customs. This is also shown through the reference towards the native doctor who makes medicines for the traditionally divergent, whether it be straying affections of a husband or a son who wants to marry an outsider. The dishonesty of a herbalist ends up killing someone in the tribe. However, this is the extreme end of tradition that Okeke refuses to follow, considering it superstition. This shows that while Okeke is not as inclined towards the customs and culture of his tribe, he is still stuck in the past somewhere. Okeke’s refusal to acknowledge his son and his wife produces familial loneliness and creates a self-inflicted isolation.
Okeke is deprived of his family, and it creates a huge strain on his heart, which saps him of his energy so much that it almost kills him. But he still pushes on with his one-sided battle against his son:
“By a tremendous effort of will, he had succeeded in pushing his son to the back of his mind. The strain had nearly killed him, but he had persevered and won.”
It is only when he comes to know of his grandsons that he realises the staggering weight of loneliness on himself. His resolution starts failing, and he is engulfed by a wave of remorse and sorrow. This is reflected in nature as a rainstorm starts blowing. The rain within the gloomy weather is a direct manifestation of Okeke’s troubled heart and mind. He ends up without sleep, with “a vague fear that he might die without making it up to them.”
Chinua Achebe constructs the story as an interpersonal conflict within a larger structure of a chronological story. The story is epistolary, as the main events take place through letters, and the story takes place in the 1950s in Nigeria. The letters indicate the turns in the story, such as Nnaemeka’s marriage letter, the wedding photograph sent to Okeke, and Nene’s letter informing Okeke about his grandsons. Marriage is a Private Affair is a story about how generational conflicts resulting from ideological differences sometimes distance family from family and generate loneliness within the community. However, perseverance and love always open the path for reconciliation. The story ends on a note of remorse, which in turn provides hope to the readers that Okeke might one day want to see his grandsons and come to accept his family.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Chinua Achebe was a Nigerian novelist, poet, and critic who is regarded as the dominant figure of modern African literature. His first novel and magnum opus, Things Fall Apart, occupies a pivotal place in African literature and remains the most widely studied, translated and read African novel.
